Proof that while Long Island isn't perfect, but it (along with almost every state in this great union) superior to New Jersey.

Hey everyone,

Look here, someone today was trying to tell me that NJ was kind of cool. I don't buy it. Do not be confused by New Jerseyans who try to make you believe it is better than some awesome place like Long Island. Here is proof!

First, Taking Back Sunday is NOT, I repeat NOT from NJ. They are Amityville's own crappy Emo/Pop band!
"Taking Back Sunday is an American rock band from Amityville, Long Island, New York, formed in 1999."

Here are just a few famous residents of Long Island. We pretty much rock.

Born in Nassau or Suffolk
Judd Apatow
Alec Baldwin
Daniel Baldwin
Stephen Baldwin
William Baldwin
Steve Buscemi
Mariah Carey
LL Cool J
Billy Crystal
Rodney Dangerfield
Flavor Flav
Kevin James
Joan Jett
Michael Kors
Dee Snyder
Howard Stern
Walt Whitman
Danny Masterson (Hyde from the 70's Show)
Christopher Masterson (Francis from Malcom in the Middle)
Bill O'Reilly (WHO IS COOL! Colbert loves him!)
Brand New
Billy Joel (He alone is enough to end this debate)

(This only counts people born on Long Island, and it excludes Queens and Brooklyn. If you want to start the war of people that chose to live on Long Island over New Jersey I would advise against it, you will be beaten.)

Born in New Jersey
Aaron Burr, American politician and war hero. (Who murdered Alexander Hamilton!)
Jon Bon Jovi, musician. (Who stinks!)
Allen Ginsberg, poet.
Bruce Springsteen, musician.(Who is less then Billy Joel)
Whitney Houston, entertainer. (Okay she is pretty cool)
David Copperfield, magician.
Zach Braff. Medical Doctor

This debate is being based on residents because that was the context of today's conversation. However if there is heat and this wants to be expanded, I will go there, I will start that war. Politically, environmentally, socially, cleanliness, E.T.C... Long Island wins out!


(Source: Wikipedia, which, because it is based on user submissions, means people from New Jersey are too lame to add Zach Braff to their list of famous residents on the New Jersey page.)

This Blog Sucks, LOL!

Hey everyone,

First of all I hope everyone had an enjoyable Thanksgiving feast and enjoyed the Toaster’s first guest blog post yesterday. Today though, I would like to extend my interactive right to use chat speak. I just want to LOL!

LOL has evolved from its literal meaning of Laugh Out Loud to become a much more complex connotation. LOL itself is now a verb (I just LOLed!) The particular use I would like to discuss is my favorite. It is the ability of LOL to take an insanely insulting statement and make it perfectly appropriate to say right to someone’s face, or rather screen name. For some reason LOL has that magical power of making these insulting things almost seem as if they are said in good fun. Observe.

Anonymous: I am so tired, I have so much work to do, Wahh Wahh, Whine Whine boo hoo, annoy annoy, bother bother bother!

iToddShuffle22: Dude, STFU you are annoying as hell.

See there I look like a total jerk. Let’s replay that conversation with the use of LOL.

Anonymous: I am so tired, I have so much work to do, Wahh Wahh, Whine Whine boo hoo, annoy annoy, bother bother bother!

iToddShuffle22: Dude, STFU you are annoying as hell, lol!

See, I get my point across about him being annoying, but this time it is hard for him to get mad. I said LOL, I must be just playfully dissing him after all. I just find this as humorous how the use of LOL allows people to do this. It always works, try it on your friends. In fact you can compound this effect with a preceding OMG.

Anonymous: I am so tired, I have so much work to do, Wahh Wahh, Whine Whine boo hoo, annoy annoy, bother bother bother!

iToddShuffle22: OMG, Dude, STFU you are annoying as hell, lol!

I hope you all find this chat speak tip useful and get lots of frustration out as a result. Happy Black Friday

-Toaster

Guest Blogger: 19-whoop-dee-doo

Around the Thanksgiving table all of my family discussed the upcoming year and birthdays that will be celebrated. There were many milestones that were mentioned and i couldn't help but think that i will be 19 and nothing special. I mean yes, it is the last year of the 'teen years' but does it authorize me to do anything 'cool'...not so much. At least at 18 i could buy cigarettes that i.. don't smoke, porn that i.. don't watch, and be considered an 'adult' but 19 is so in-between. It kind of marks the stage of life all of us 19-year olds are in..figuring out who we are and finding where we want to go in life, which most of us have no idea. Even at the age of 20 you can somewhat gloat about not being a little teenager anymore, even though some us act like we are still in grammar school. If i had it my way i would still be at recess, playing kickball, boys against girls, and my days consisted of roller blading in my driveway, but life got a tad bit more complicated than that. I mean a show that embodies every aspect of a good ol' childhood would be 'The Wonder Years'. Kevin Arnold falls in love with the girl in his neighborhood and times were so simple with riding bikes and being adventurous. I doubt i am the only almost 19-year- old that contemplates these lost years of simple fun or maybe they've just happened and i am expected to reflect upon them. All in all, the way 19 should be looked at is the last year to do some childish things while still being considered a 'teen' and live it up. I mean some people would consider these young years of our lives 'the wonder years' so we should make some memories while we're at it.

-SimplyBecause

Dickhead of the Week

I am sure it has bee two weeks, so consider this Dickhead of the fortnight. This week we honor some one very special to all sports fans. The self proclaimed best point guard in the league, Stephon Marbury.Starbury, you are a joke to the league. You will never play for the Knicks again, or at least we pray. You were offered a buy-out, you declined. The coach actually offered you a few minutes in a game, you declined. You are a first class jerk, you will be lucky to make the league minimum next season. New Yorkers tried to embrace you, but unfortunately you are an ass. Your departure will be be celebrated almost as much as the arrival or LeBron.

-Toaster

Thanksgiving

Hey everyone,

I am writing to you all today with great anticipation for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. I would like to take a moment to go over what I am thankful for.
I am thankful for:

Facebook
Xbox 360
sidereel.com
StumbleUpon
surfthechannel.net
iChat
iTunes
Civilization IV
Spore

For without these, I would have been forced to work on my studies. Remember to let all those who are dear to you know what you are thankful for. But before you do, make sure to write what you are thankful for in the comments section!

-Toaster

Hell

PETA Members
Circle I Limbo

Bill Clinton
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Democrats
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Militant Vegans
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Hipsters, Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

The New York Yankees
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Bill Gates
Circle VII Burning Sands

Saddam Hussein
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Osama bin Laden
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

The Things We Think, But Do Not Say.

Hey everyone,

Today's post is inspired by a thought I had last night with a title in tribute to the Oscar nominated film Jerry Maguire. What is it that I think but do not say? It is my Chirstopher McCandless complex. I have this internal drive to drop everything, for 12 months, and wander. Here is my plan:

I would work for the first six months off, no spending, save it all. Then purchase an unlimited rail travel pass, and a one-way ticket to London. I figure I could spend about 2 months or so in the UK. I know not all that exciting, the UK. Well, I only speak English, and seeing as how the toaster will be all-alone, being in a country where nobody understands me is not a good idea. ALAS! I will still travel to these territories uncharted by American youth, inconceivable to the voice of reason in you, just much more quickly and in smaller doses. I can hit a few big cities where English speaking is more acceptable, Amsterdam, Prague, Budapest, etc... I also probably speak French about as well as a native 2 year old, so Paris might not work out so bad either. Below is a map depicting my hopeful travel plans, but seeing as how this will be "spontaneous," I will intentionally ignore this map so that I can be "rebellious," "brave," and a "true" backpacker. Everyone knows, in order to be one of the cool/hip kids who is better than everyone else, you have to be a free-spirit and ignore the itinerary. (Psst, I have a secret map that is actually where I plan to go, but don't tell the cool kids!) Also, I have a blog, so that makes me inherently uncool and I need this trip to rescue my image. If I blog about my completely unplanned and ridiculously trite insignificant adventures though, then I might be considered a role model for future travelers, very cool. So in my quest to remove the lame tag off of my back, I need this trip to go off without a hitch. I ask all of you for your advice, on further tips on how to be cool, or good ideas for travel plans. I will promptly delete this post before my trip so that I can validate my complete spontaneity.

-Toaster

I REALLY AM SO INCREDIBLY LAME!

Hey everyone,

If there was not already enough self-deprecation here comes an entry I like to call, why the Toaster's full time job could end up being writing this lame-o blog. Then reason? Civilization IV! This game I am pretty sure something that is played by the same kind of people that play World of Warcraft, Spore, Starcraft, and Counter Strike. I had played Civilization III on a friend’s computer a few years back and while I was in the mall over my October break I stumbled upon it in the apple store. I was incredibly bored at the time and recalled being intrigued. I figured, What the hell, it could be fun! Well it turns out it is only kind of fun, but 100% addicting. Never make fun of those people who play computer games all day long, I didn't understand it myself, but now I do. It is inexplicable. I start playing after lunch and before I know it in virtual time 4500 years have past and it is already dark out. WTF!? How does that happen? I need to stop playing, but I think if I just give it another 150 years I could conquer the Roman Empire. Long Live Montezuma! Moral of the story is, I am really a loser, and do not start to play this game. It is not worth it. The hours of enjoyment fly so fast it just feels as if I am wasting away and it is certain to negatively affect my future.

-Toaster

I AM SO LAME, but maybe not forever

Hey everyone!,

I am happy to report today that there are now six votes in the poll!!!!! This is truly an achievement that all readers can rejoice to! If you guys can continue to spread the word at this astonishing rate then this blog will no longer be lame. In fact if lets say, the blog got maybe 15 hits in one day, I think it could really be going somewhere. I am definitely looking to take on another writer though so please email me todd.densen@gmail.com if you or anyone you knows would like to write. If this ever becomes a cool blog maybe you could make money!(I make no guarantees.) C'mon I admit defeat, I am terrible at spreading the word mostly because you guys are my only friends. Pretend this is sort of like this new awesome blog that you started reading and you think they might, gasp, like it. Then they read this post and laugh because it says word for word what you told them and they laugh. Are you all imagining the paradox that happens in this situation? Pretty cool. Help me not be lame.

Thanks, Toaster

Drunk Messaging

Hello everybody,

Today's post is about drunk dialing. I must start off by stating that this blog is NOT in a direct response to a specific message that I received one night, HOWEVER said message did inspire me to write this. I apologize to anyone who my think that this is reference to them, because it is, but only kind of.

Okay, now that is out of the way. When you are drunk it is okay to want to converse with people. I would like to just say on behalf of all the sober people in the world, DO NOT call us. There is a reason the first 3 people you called did not pick up, and no it does not make me feel any better to think that you only decided to call me after you have tried and failed several other times trying to reach other people. Alas my inebriated friends there is an alternative!

The answer is Facebook, or myspace, or email. These non-verbal types of communication are much nicer. First of all, the recipients do not feel pressure to respond immediately and are not awoken at 3 in the morning. Instead the barely comprehensible message can sit and wait for the morn. Secondly, this is also a lot funnier for the recipient. When you call, usually I will jus get upset and pissed off, I know a number of people would agree. A message though, is usually typed so poorly that half the fun is trying to follow the context of the message. Also we now have proof that you are indeed a fool when drunk. I like to hold on to these messages and forward them back to the sender the next morning, which has probably forgot that they have done so, and see their reaction, which is usually embarrassment. This I find very entertaining.

It is important to note that you only use the private message section of social networks and email, not instant messages or wall posts. These are obnoxious and ultimately make both parties either angry or embarrassed. Text messaging, also a no no. This too can be annoying to the recipient, but if you must it is certainly preferred to a call.

To all you people out there (all five that I actually think read this), you have been forewarned. I urge all of those who choose to engage in using mind or judgment altering substances to be responsible in the way they spread the inebriated joy!

-Toaster

Dickhead of the Week!

Hey there newcomers,
Its time for my first weekly installment of the Dickhead of the Week award. DotW goes to that special someone who has just reminded me oh so much of that mushroom shaped part of all of us. This week it goes to:

FIRST POLL RESPONDER!

Congratulations, this is truly a shining achievement.

Tune in next week for DotW part 2.

-Toaster

Dickhead

Hey there,
Okay so I create this blog this morning and I have received 1 vote in the polls. I do not know who you are, and I do not care. Please never visit again. I mean c'mon, you are going to say you will never subscribe after a simple welcome post? Now perhaps it is my fault for putting the poll up, but I expect people to have some discretion. Additionally, if the reader is unhappy for some reason they should comment on one of the posts of the blog. This is essentially the only real purpose of a blog, to facilitate conversation and thought interactively. So now I sit here writing my second blog post with an approval rating worse that George Bush's. I am ashamed of my self. I actually would like to retract my previous statement, if that voter would come back and comment on something to discuss their issue I would be more than happy to disagree and give you an intellectual bitch slap. Hey, I just had an idea. They do this sort of thing on radio shows and such. I will start a Dickhead of the week thread.

-Toaster

Welcome

Hello readers,
Welcome to the very first Toast of the Blog blog. I hope this site serves as an interesting read to all those who actually check up on it. I will try to make an entry everyday, sometimes more than once a day. I am looking to take on fellow bloggers, so anyone interested can contact me about that (todensen@vassar.edu). I am looking forward to writing to all of you.

-Toaster